Thursday, June 28, 2012

things that give me hope...aka things that feed my soul

i have been wanting to write a new post for sometime now.. but i've been feeling a bit blue lately and it's been hard to wrangle my thoughts together..this happens about the time when i feel overwhelmed by the world..by the weight of suffering others feel..by the ever growing brokenness..and while i feel it is important to express all feelings..not just happy ones..i felt the need to have some sort of hope to share..

i find that i get a lump in my throat constantly..the one where you know if you pay it the slightest bit of attention tears will instantly spill over..certain things easily set it off..like the seemingly endless sight of people i pass on a daily basis that are living on the streets...the never ending updates of shootings and violence in the city...at church listening to a sermon where i feel both convicted and held back by my human tendency to stray....and then a numbing feeling will sweep in and i'll be fine..i'll be able to continue with my work and every day things but along with losing that gut wrenching sadness in my throat i also lose the feeling of passion in my work for the time being..


and when this happens...these are things that nourish my aching soul..things that i lean on..

the sunlight that lingers heavy into the evenings

opening the mail box and knowing immediately just by the handwriting a lovely friend has sent a card

books that take me into another world..one where light shines in..one where i am uplifted

books that unveil dark places in the world..the fact that there is someone that feels passionately enough to spend their precious time writing and caring about something that needs awareness and change..

lyrics by an artist a seafarer once shared..that have a way of soothing my thoughts..

my roommates..they are ever reminders that there are others in the world with the same drive to serve others and  in turn share many of my struggles..


the beauty in the city that is never far from my reach 

praying and pleading with god at the end of a tough day and feeling the weight being lifted...the peace settling in and him telling you to rest your eyes...for he has it all figured out


"compassion hurts..when you feel connected to everything..you also feel responsible for everything..and you cannot turn away..your destiny is bound with the destinies of others..you must either learn to carry the universe or be crushed by it..you must grow strong enough to love the world..yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors" andrew boyd


peace & love
jillian